A “situationship” is the modern day relationship. It’s the “oh, they’re kind of my boyfriend/girlfriend but not really,” or the “it’s complicated” answer you give to your friends and family.  A situationship is just that, a romantic situation that hasn’t fully evolved into a relationship—or may never evolve into one. It’s dating at a standstill with no promise of growing into something more. But how do you know if you’re in one?

You Keep Each Other a Secret

Or maybe he/she just keeps you a secret. Either way, your situationship is under wraps- it’s not something either one of you flaunt, and maybe only a select few of your friends know his/her name.

You Haven’t Been on A Date…Ever

Whether you two have agreed to not go on dates or whether one never asked the other, dates are non-existent. Publicizing your situationship would be weird for you two, and going on dates would resemble a true relationship too much. Dates would further complicate what you two already have going.

You Don’t Have a Title

That may be your bae or baby, but that’s as far as it goes. In a “situationship,” both parties are technically single. No one has made anything official, even if the other party has tried to move in the direction of a relationship.

But You Don’t Date Anyone Else, Either

If you’re really interested in the person you’re in a situationship with, you’re most likely not dating anyone else but them. They get all your time, energy and efforts. They’re like the boyfriend/girlfriend you’ve always wanted, but don’t really want. And if you do date around, it’s okay because you don’t have many set rules.

And You Avoid Conversations about the Future

Not only do you two avoid a title, but you also usually avoid any conversations that have to do with the future of your situationship. Sometimes that includes moving together after graduation and other times those conversations include actually taking each other seriously eventually. Either way, you two are (hopefully) content with where your situationship is at.

So What Now?

It’s okay to be in a situationship, if that’s what you want at the moment. Nothing is wrong with enjoying someone’s company and liking someone to the point where you want to give them more. But if you want more from your situationship, don’t settle for less.

It’s easy for a lot of us to get stuck into the pattern of not being together, but basically being together. Sometimes it’s easier than navigating a true relationship because a lot of problems can be avoided or it lessens the amount of arguments that would be present in a relationship.

But you have to ask yourself if a situationship is what you really want. You have to ask yourself if you’re okay with giving someone who’s not your boyfriend/girlfriend all of your time and effort. You have to ask yourself if you’re okay with possibly gaining more feelings for someone who may have no interest in moving forward. And if you are the one who doesn’t want to move forward with your situationship, you have to ask yourself why.

A situationship is all about respecting the other person involved, but also remembering to respect yourself. If you’re not satisfied and feel like your time and effort can be better spent elsewhere, respect and love yourself enough to let the situationship go. Don’t let an unclear elationship cause you to forget what you deserve.